We felt the rain yesterday. It's that kind of night that I want to soak in the storm, breathe it, drink it, be it. We leaned out my window last night and tasted it.
With spring finally here and the snow melting, I feel like I'm re-discovering things. There's this whole new perspective that comes with a new season in New England. I'm seeing the world, my world, again under all the gray. It's been all adopted bitterness and preoccupations with sex and processed compassion, but I'm waking up again.
Maybe it's crazy, maybe it sounds cheesy, but it's there. Small parts of myself are resurfacing and it feels so good. I guess they were lost for a long time, years maybe, but sometimes it takes a whole lot of crap to get back to where you want to be. I know there was a time when I used to feel human. I remember the girl I used to be and I've missed her.
There's love in passion and strength in independence and truth in desire. I can still feel it all underneath my skin. I'll play piano at midnight, I'll taste rain, I'll stay awake at night because I can't do anything but think about writing, I'll crave the typewriter keys and fresh paper. I'll jump in a car and drive, I'll put pins in maps, I'll whisper bedtimes stories.
This person that I used to be, she played catch in the spring, she was sweet and polite and good, she was an inspiration, she sang with kids when their worlds were broken, she had big dreams. I spent so much of my youth trying to convince people I was more than that, more than what they saw, but I've come to discover it's silly to try. I focused so much energy on that, that I've turned into a person I'm not proud of, maybe even a person I don't like.
I remember when I was happy. Not just content and living, but honestly, truthfully, happy.
It's been awhile. I'm ready to come back now.
No comments:
Post a Comment